Your heart is ready. Your home is ready. How about your family?

A lot of my illustrations about hospitality so far have referenced my  husband and children. It’s my current  stage of life, but please don’t think its  a description of the best  environment for hospitality . When I say family in this post I mean the people who you share your home and life with. That could be  spouse , children or your roommates, the people in your college dorm.

For my first 10 years of adult life I lived with friends from college or from my church. It was here that  I got my first taste of being a family on a mission. Our homes were transformational  as we  tried to navigate  our 20’s.  We shared our clothes, possessions, cars, and our money. We shared  our tears. We prayed. We grew as disciples as we celebrated one another’s jobs and career, we worked through relational tensions. We talked into the night about dreams and guys . We prayed for our people of peace and invited them over for dinner, or to our parties (We threw the best parties. Sheffield peeps: Millennium anyone?). Over the years, different homes filled storehouses with  memories.

Who are your family?

How do you get your family ready?

Remember God’s vision for your home? Have you assumed that vision is yours alone? or are your family included in it, invited to share in it, run with it, incarnate it?   We need  a sense of vision and purpose as a family as we open our homes. You family might feel coerced or used feeling only the cost,  instead of feeling empowered, inspired and united around God’s call on your family. Like I once  heard a preacher say “If the vision is unclear, the cost is always too high“…

In our first year here in MN we’ve sought to observe and absorb the world we’re in, get our family settled, weather the Minnesota weather. We’ve looked to see where God is already at work (Jn 5:19)  in order embrace His vision and respond to it.  Two things we’re definitely sure of:  to disciple missional leaders &  to reach out our community here in the ‘burbs.

The growing sense of vision is shaping our practices at church, in life, and inevitably at home. My husband (a pastor) volunteers in our kids schoolweekly, and is our daughter’s soccer coach. Our children are integral to the process and to the call . Together we pray for neighbors and build friendships and engage with the community. We host play dates and invite our children friend’s and their parents into our home, investing in our children’s people of peace. We lead huddles in our home to train this next generation of amazing passionate missional leaders. We host potlucks in our home to build community life at church, deepen relationships and also give a living picture of what a missional community could be. Our neighbors and community friends popped in during the last potluck, our worlds are colliding.  Importantly the whole family is involved. We have a sense of purpose, and its vibrant and its fun and we laugh, sometimes chaotic. But our home is becoming a fun filled potluck hosting hub, rather than a hideout.

What do you see the Father doing?

What’s your family vision ?

Get some Rhythm

This next bit is really important:

My house is not open 24/7. I’m not  discipling anyone into anything healthy if I model a life without boundaries in the name of being missional. It’s certainly not how Jesus lived and served. There are many examples in the gospels where Jesus deliberately pulled away from the crowd and their demands, to invest in his disciples, to connect with his key relationships, or be with the Father. He served people, yet wasn’t defined by everyone else’s schedule. Can we say the same?

One of the healthiest ways we can get our  family ready is to understand and practice a healthy rhythm of life. A genuine day off.  Sleep. Vacation. Abiding, growing, fruitfulness and pruning.

If your home is going to be a place for  His Kingdom come,  remember you need to restore your soul as individuals, and as a family. You don’t need to be a fortress, but you do need be a place which can be a place of retreat as well as adventure. Sometimes the best way to get your family ready is to recognize their need for rest, and  to explore the way your family rests.  In one of the homes in in my 20’s we had a family night just for the girls in the house. To be together, go out for a meal or a movie using some of our shared housekeeping funds. Years later as wife and mom we too have a family night,  go out for a meal, watch a movie, get take out. My husband and I have regular date nights. Pushing your family to do more, be more, try harder to fulfill your missional vision for your home can be exhausting for all involved!  Observing and exploring your family rhythm of life, the season your family is in, may reveal limitations, but also a way to move forward together  When you’re refreshed as a family its much easier to welcome people in.

One of the best tips I learned from Sally that I’ll share with you: As you prepare your family to open your home consider your family’s pressure points of the day, week, month, season,  and year.

The Day:These days it’s rare that really late nights play a role in hospitality for me. I’ll need a special occasion! When I’m tired I’m not the best listener, prayer, discipler, missionary . Furthermore, no matter what time I go to bed my kids are up early wanting breakfast/a book to read/something to do/ the  latest weather forecast. I am on, whether I want to or not!

The Week/Month:Here we pay attention to things like our preaching schedules, meetings, kids activities, work travel.  Sometimes we just have to acknowledge our best intentions and great plans aren’t going to work. Sometimes the kids really do have strep. Sometimes we just need to stop.

Seasons:In my 20’s when I lived with nurses on a night shift, or computer programmers with looming deadlines, it was important adjust expectations. That wasn’t the time to have lots of things happening in our home which would demand their time and energy. It was a time to serve them, with meals and peace and quiet.  What season of life are your family in?

Year :  What times of year are huge pressure points ? I’ve noticed the first and last week of the school year was challenging. Too many meetings at the start of the year, so many end of year events at the end. Not great weeks for hosting things at our home.  If its unavoidable – LOTS of support required!

When we protect our pressure points there’s energy and opportunity left for  hospitality. Hey, we might even have a bit of energy for spontaneity!  But don’t by doing everything, simply one faithful hospitable next step in response to His vision.

Different Personalities, different approaches: Our family has a few introverts and a few extroverts. So some of us get recharged by time alone, whilst the others prefer to recharge with others.  I’ve noticed its worth ensuring we all have energy for people coming over and spending time with us.  So the day before a particularly large gathering we have a quieter day with lots of down time. The dog might get a long walk that day so he’s tired out and sleepy by the time people arrive. What do you need to consider when you look at the range of ages and personalities within your family?

Are you ready to  extend your family as you go on mission?

Does this all feel too much for your family right now because there aren’t enough people involved?  Here’s one other thought.

Maybe it’s the Nigerian parties of my childhood. Maybe it’s being single  until 29.But if the missional conversation doesn’t lead to a rediscovery of  the kind of hospitality that creates  extended families on a mission together –  I’m going to be disappointed. Jesus had the 12, but there were a number of other men and women involved who were personally transformed and then became part of the mission team. Could  our hospitality be a opportunity to invest intentionally  in some people and  enlist them in God’s mission with you? We absolutely LOVE the young missional leaders we get to disciple. Most of our discipling happens at our kitchen table.  They’ve enriched our family, there are great role models (and babysitters) for our kids. They’ve come to soccer games and recitals. Some will join with us in our mission; for others its a incubating time as they learn and dream. They’re all becoming family.  (There’s so much more to blog about young adults, so that will come in future posts). I’d encourage you to ask the God who sets the lonely, the fatherless, the alien and the widow in families – how He might want to extend your family too.

I’ll leave you with all this to consider. It probably won’t all be relevant, but hopefully some nuggets to process!

What is God saying?

What are you going to do about it?

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It was about 1am ( Girls Nights at my house are definitely a special occasion!) . Turning out the lights to go to bed my heart was full, my mind at rest. I was thinking of nights filled with laughter. Of afternoons with kids running around the garden and bouncing on the trampoline. I was thinking of last minute meals with friends on a sunny Californian day. I remembered conversations around an Arizonan fire pit, or lazing by a pool. People cramped into a terraced house (Americans: read tiny house) in Sheffield, lining the stairs, standing in doorways. All of them talking, eating, and being. Some of the gatherings seemed to happen spontaneously; others were birthed in persistent planning.

These days and nights were good news. His kingdom came, and I believe. Friendships were born and nurtured, given time and space to grow. People felt known. Talking became transformational, because testimonies were tools for one another’s lives. Visions for a  city, dreams that could impact a neighborhood were ignited in conversation. Compliments flowed over the food, the homes, affirming gifts and talents in every direction. There was room for intense conversation in corners. Twos and threes leaned in, talking and praying. There were people praying for physical healing, or crying for hope. Some people sharing prophetic words over dessert.  Sometimes someone would pray to commit their life to Jesus for the first time. These gatherings were big enough to dare, but still small enough to care.

I’ve still a lot to learn about hospitality. But this I know:  We underestimate the power of community, of being together in His name. Don’t check out of it by saying ‘but its not my gift” and hope someone else steps up. Hospitality is a gift to us that creates an opportunity to be the hands and feet and voice of Jesus in a way that a Sunday large gathering just can’t do, that a quick coffee at the end of church can only hint at. Hospitality is a vehicle that helps us live as families on mission.

So are you ready? Yes there is a price… the closed doors of our hearts, the closed life we’re been leading It will probably cost us to go there –time, money, effort. It may make us face ourselves and our selfishness. It may make us finally address the stresses and vulnerabilities of family life hidden behind closed doors.

Where will you start?

Perhaps an extra setting at the table once a week, or once a month. Inviting your children’s friends and their parents over. A potluck?  Huddle at your house? Hosting an MC? A night for all your people of peace.

 Choose something. Start it as a discipline. Until it becomes a habit. Until it becomes a rhythm.  Until it becomes your life.

When we choose to genuinely engage with God  and offer hospitality, I wonder if heaven hears something else above the talking and the music. I wonder if heaven hears the sound of our collective guard coming down, and hears our masks being peeled away. The sound of unspoken vulnerability when we choose to invite one another into our imperfect honest lives. I think heaven hears the sound of chains crashing to the ground, as people step into the freedom found into a life together.

In some dusty corner, they’ll see my guard and my masks and my chains. I don’t need them anymore.

Come on friends, its time for the beginning…

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I’m a big fan of singing competitions on TV: Idol, X Factor, Sing Off (the acapella one around Christmas time) but right now, The Voice is my favorite. At first The Voice seems like every other singing show. Gifted yet undiscovered artists perform before a largely affirming audience hoping to impress the four judges/coaches and win a place on their team.  But on The Voice there’s a twist; these are blind auditions. The judges’ backs are turned and they don’t actually see the contestants perform. They don’t get to assess if they have the right look, if they’re marketable and  fit the image of the pop star as you sometimes see on these kinds of shows. They don’t get to show bias due a contestant’s age and stage of life. They listen to The Voice and then decide. The quality and the richness of the Voice is all that matters, everything else is immaterial.

Now, The Voice is a TV show and reality TV at that. Of course there were auditions before these ‘blind auditions’. And raw undiscovered talent? More often these contestants are accomplished musicians already in bands or contestants from other reality shows. Sometimes they are session musicians and backing singers who have sung in  the shadows enhancing the sounds of a famous singer. Whatever their background and previous skills, the contestant’s chance to perform on the main stage and the weekly coaching they receive draws out new dimensions of their talent. The experience also provides countless opportunities to build network of personal and professional relationships creating potential for future opportunities.

I love the Voice because I love seeing people get their chance. I love watching artists grow and shine.

But beyond the show, the Voice and its blind auditions have been something of a metaphor for me whenever I think about women in leadership today. Because it captures my two hopes for them, two things that I’ve been so blessed and so thankful to have over the last 20 years:

The opportunity to step into leadership and dare I say it –  onto the platforms – surrounded by affirmation. Affirmation isn’t everything, but it is valuable! It diffuses the lies in your head. For every contestant on the Voice who hit that note, owned that run, led the crowd into a moment…that round of applause, that cheer, that standing O? I promise you it mattered. Because for years they’ve been hearing other voices in their heads. The voices that say they should just give up, tell them they’re no good. Those taunting voices tell them they’re too fat, not marketable, too old, don’t fit  and don’t belong there. When the audience affirms a truth they were too scared to believe, those voices are silenced.

Today’s women leaders hear loads of voices too and sometimes the loudest ones come from within. These voices say that they’re not enough, good enough, skilled enough, deep enough, pretty enough, anointed enough, nice, strong, feminine enough. And then those voices tell  them they’re too much: too strong, too feminine, too shallow, too woman, too young, too old. It’s hard to step forward and open your mouth and let your Voice out when you’re intimidated by all the other voices.

Women called to leadership need the opportunity to be seen and known. Some have hidden and held back for years; its time to step out of the shadows. Its time we heard their voices loud and clear.  Again we all know that leadership and influence is not limited to public platforms. I’m talking about the conferences and the conference room, the pulpit and the strategic planning meetings. And of course I’m talking behind the scenes too, and in the local community, in the workplace. Wherever God has called women to serve.

The Voice judges are successful artists in their own right. They’re also team coaches ready to nurture their protégés. They instruct and advise on song choice and arrangement, encourage their look and style, challenge with tough love when required, and equip their disciples to navigate the way ahead. They lend their megastar voices, but more than that, they invest their capital to cultivate and unlock potential. You can tell the parallel I’m going to bring in here. Our women leaders need fresh opportunities, lots of them. They also need established leaders (male and female) prepared to encourage, challenge, stretch, instruct, train. They need leaders who will invest their capital, and open their connections, and networks, put them forward for an opportunity. They need leaders who are secure enough to even step out of the way. Without investment, we have leaders with a call but without cultivation. And the work of the kingdom suffers, the spread of the Gospel suffers as a result.

I’m aware that The Voice is not a robust parallel!  Its just a picture that ignited a series of thoughts in my mind. Perhaps these are the ramblings of a woman with a penchant for reality TV singing competitions.

But if you’re a woman called to lead, tell me:

Did you wrestle with the voices inside and around you as you stepped into your call to leadership?

What helped you?

Who invested in you, helping you hear His voice leading you  above all others?

If you observe the annual rhythms of the Western church, or have a penchant for chocolate treats in calendars then you’ll know we’ve entered the season of Advent.

Advent means ‘coming’ or ‘arrival’ and refers both to the birth of Jesus Christ, and the anticipation of his return as King. It’s often described as a season marked by longing, anticipation, expectation, and preparation. Of waiting. Advent reminds us of God’s intervention in the course of human history, and the promise of His Kingdom power.

I’ve been meditating on these words from John 1:14 in recent days. These words weigh heavily on my heart, keep circling around my mind:

The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood. (The Message)

God stepped into our world, leaving the splendor, majesty and perfection of heaven, and identified fully with us. He knows our humanity; He’s lived it. We follow a Savior who lived in our world, felt the weary dust of a broken earth in between his toes. A Savior familiar with suffering and injustice, who saw and knew joy and pain. Flesh and blood, yet fully God, transforming the very ground he trod on. Speaking, saving, healing, delivering. Redeeming the world. That truth gives me hope, sets my expectation, feeds my anticipation.  I know that when He speaks, I know that when God shows up in my heart, in my life in my community, he understands, and he responds. Yes.

The word became flesh and blood and moved….

He walked and moved them, he walks and moves now. in our lives. he’s more than a mentor, more than a life coach, more than a lofty belief system or good advice. Jesus is God. 

And yet. I’ll be honest with you, this has been a great year, but a tiring one. There have been many joys, but also staggering losses. I started this year with a stride, but I look to its end and I feel like I’m dragging my feet through my own weary dust, sometimes slipping through the cracks of my own broken earth. Perhaps I’m slowed down by a few of life’s cuts and bruises. Stung by its battles.

There are happenings in the world around and beyond me, situations amongst those I love, things within the very heart of me that ache with longing, where I am desperate for intervention. For His Redemption. Waiting can make you weary, raw and vulnerable even. At least, that’s what it does to me.

And so Advent? Advent somehow helps me walk in hope and vulnerability at the same time. I am singing to him, but I’m clinging to him too.  I am listening to Him, and longing for him. He’s been in my life for 30 years now, so I know He’ll meet me here.

I don’t know if this ever happens to you, but sometimes, the Christmas season doesn’t so much as sweep me off my feet, it knocks me over! There’s my daughter’s birthday and her party, then whatever else the kids get up to at school for Christmas. Crafts and cookies galore. Then Christmas preparations, gifts for the family, cards to send to friends and family around  the world (hopefully in time for Christmas!) before I  even think about the Christmas services. And Christmas dinner. It’s a lot of fun, but it’s real easy to miss what God may be saying and doing during Advent.

So to fully engage with it all, I’m giving space in my prayers and my dog walks (!) for God to meet this vulnerable flesh and blood. Letting my heart function as if in slow motion for a while.  I’ll be reading prayers and sayings and devotionals of saints through the ages and from around the world, in between trips to Super Target, and Christmas shows and movies! I’ll be meditating on John 1:14 because those words just won’t leave me alone. I’ll  also be overthinking Christmas presents, and wrapping gifts badly  (yes, using some of the paper from the past  5 years because I believe in recycling, because no one cares, and because I hate spending so much money on wrapping paper and I don’t care if it makes me cheap). I‘m not going on retreat; I’ll be doing life. But I’m laying all that I am and all my life is before Him, inviting Him to move in. And stay.

I wonder where you’re walking in hope – expecting God to move to move in your world. Where are you excited for the presence of the coming King?

I wonder where you’re a little desperate.  Perhaps you are trudging through the dust of your days, Perhaps the broken earth cut deep and left you bleeding.  Relationships, money, health… the draining pressure of uncertainty. Perhaps there are whispered heartfelt prayers and you’re wearied as you wait, still wait for His answer…

Wherever you’re at – Advent is an opportunity. Yes, to meet with God, but more importantly for God to meet with you. Jesus left the splendor of heaven and fully identifies with you, flesh and blood. He knows your very heartbeat. He comes to do more than watch and expect things from you. He’s very secure about you not having it all together. He’s not just come to pay you a visit. He’s come to move in to your hope and vulnerability and stay with you there.

So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness.(John 1:14 NLT)

Grace and Peace be yours this Advent…

Jo

2013? Its so nearly over. What are your plans for the New Year?

I’ve been thinking about the phrase New Year.  There were times on New Year’s Eve when I longed for the NEW. I wanted the coming year to be completely different from the burnt out ends of the year I left behind. I needed something new. I’d pray (prey on?) these words from Isaiah 43:19

 See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.

There were new years when new things sprung up in my life. A new relationship, a new season, new mission and calling. Life was different and we used words like breakthrough and shift and not only did we mean it, it was the best way to describe what He was doing.

Other years, not so much! I strained with my hopefully- faith- filled-but- more- probably-desperately- wishing – eyes to see the new. I told myself ( fervently!) that change, fulfilled promises, breakthrough, was just around the corner. But it was another year, not a new one.  Consequently, some years it was harder to hope and pray. Disappointment has a habit of going viral in your faith journey infecting situations beyond its rightful borders.  I found myself fighting thoughts about failure, trying not to lose.
                                                                                                                               ***

Do you look forward to the new year because of a new chapter in your life? Perhaps a new relationship or your family? A new job?

Are you seeing new things, new fruit emerge as you engage more intentionally with discipleship and mission? You feel ALIVE because missional community is growing and vibrant and you have seen people come to faith. You’re building a discipling culture in your church, and things are happening. You see disciple makers and  they’re doing the stuff and the stories coming back are the one you’d always hoped you would hear.

 New things can be exciting, affirming, exhilarating.  But dare I say it… they can also be disorientating. When I’ve gotten used to the wasteland and the wilderness, the fresh God given springs of new life are a little startling. Who knew the heart could get used to being dry? Or, new things make me utterly giddy, with plans and ideas and thoughts and feelings and dreams and strategies and … breathe!  So on weeks like these I make some time to slow down and receive what God wants to say about my life. Listen for what He wants to do. It’s so easy to run ahead, even (perhaps especially) in the blessing and excitement of the new. I need to be faithful to His word and ways.

What would it look like to receive the new things God brings to your life in 2014?

For some of us our year is not so much a new year, but another year.

What do we do when we get  another year? Nothing new, radical or exciting.  No major changes in our lives. You are still single. Family life is still challenging. The marriage pressures that existed on Dec 30 are still there on January 2. Your missional community is still hard work and your find outs difficult at best, and the lowest attended nights. You’re huddles are still… just OK. And you’re still wondering when your church/ ministry/community will reach that elusive tipping point on all this missional stuff. And honestly? Really honestly – it doesn’t look like anything is going to change any time soon. And that’s not being cynical of faithless; it just is what it is.

It is what it is, but how do we handle what it isn’t?

We might need  to ensure that  disappointment does not overstep its boundaries and go viral in our lives. We often underestimate disappointment’s power . It slows us down. It pollutes our peace and jades our joy. We might have to fight the temptation to hype up some long lost excitement. You know, when we postulate instead of prophesy… “This is gonna be the year and it’s gonna be amazing”…hoping God’s listening. How do we explain what is or isn’t happening in our world? How else do we keep people on board with this crazy missional journey?

In these times, preparing for another year, making time to slow down and surrender is a discipline. Wrestling the wilderness questions into the dust

 Is God good when the landscape of my life is a wasteland? Is his still my stronger covenant partner, is he still the coming King?

I wrestle them into the dust because in these moments, the discipline to surrender is not found primarily in my feelings. It’s in a choice to be faithful. Standing when there’s nothing else to do. Getting up when we’re knocked down. One foot in front of the other, walking with my Friend and King. Faithful to Him, to his word, to his call and the life he’s given us.

What does it look like for you to walk with Him as you enter another year?

As I waiting on Him to lead into a new year, walk with me into another year there’s a song  I hear. And so now I sing it back until it echoes in my heart ….

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases

His mercies never come to an end…

They are new every morning, new every morning

Great is thy faithfulness O Lord,

Great is thy faithfulness.

re·pur·pose

transitive verb (ˌ)rē-ˈpər-pəs

: to change (something) so that it can be used for a different purpose

: to give a new purpose or use to

(Miriam –Webster Online)

I’ve been looking at the pieces in our house. Very few items are new. You know how some houses are Pottery Barn or Crate and Barrel? Ours is Craigslist with subtle touches of eBay and garage sales, and a hint of a trip to a few junk/vintage stores in the Spring. And it’s perfect and fabulous and miraculously integrated.

I love that so much of our furniture has tells a story. The sofas from a warm young family who moved to East Coast in pursuit of new opportunities. Then there’s the large round dining room table that the actor decided to sell for a fraction of the price because it was ‘time to grow up, settle down and get a proper table’. The window frames high on a shelf, from an old house from a small town called Chaska, in Minnesota.

They tell new stories now.The ottoman is where two brown eyed girls sit to get their braids and cornrows. The sofas are still for snuggling for movie nights and long chats only now they hear our hopes and dreams. They are where watch our favorite shows; who knew we’d collectively love Shark Tank (UK: Dragon’s Den)?. Its also where the dog looks out on his world, obsessing over squirrels. Our big round table table settled down. It’s where we have our family meals and share our highs and lows, it’s the central food table when we host potlucks. Its where my huddle met and shared their lives and grew into dynamic leaders. Where a vision for a new missional community took shape over  an impromptu Sunday lunch. The windows rest on the huge shelf overlooking new stories taking shape.

Now probably because it’s New Year and I can’t help but feel its significance my furniture has triggered my thinking of how God repurposes our lives. His story enters our story and renews it, revives it, redeems it. I think about what my life used to say, what my story used to tell, and how he has changed it. My strengths and my gifts and talents function differently in His hands. My weakness and the fault lines of my personality are held and healed in His hands. He has given me, continues to give me, a new story.

My story, like yours is still unfolding. Let’s just say there’s some furniture that still needs work, stuck in an old story. But when I look around my home, reflecting on stories old and new, I’m compelled to choose to reengage with the work He wants to do. He wants to repurpose my life, and the new year is an opportunity to restore and rearrange the furniture.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases

His mercies never come to an end…

They are new every morning, new every morning

Great is thy faithfulness O Lord,

Great is thy faithfulness.

Over the next month I’m going to share some thoughts on calling and leadership development as I’ve reflected on different seasons of my life. Blame me turning 40; not that its made me all sage or anything! Perhaps just a growing sense as the kids grow and life changes that leadership is even more about investing in and developing other people, not about what I personally achieve. But before that little series begins…  a slightly related  announcement!

In the past couple of weeks you might have read or seen something about  3dmSTAND, the 3dm’s Women’s Equipping Weekend. Our next 3dmSTAND event is happening in Minneapolis at the end of March. A few things have changed so we wanted to give some updated info to anyone who interested.

We also thought it would be a little opportunity to tell you a bit about 3dmSTAND in general. Next week Sally’s posting a blog that will tell you how she got the vision for 3dmSTAND, and how its been growing in her heart over the years, and a sense of what’s to come. So keep a look out for Sally’s writings (on 3dmSTAND and everything else!) over the coming month. But because this Minneapolis event is at the end of March, Sally wanted me to get this out there now.                   

So what is 3dmSTAND?

Its not a retreat:

There are PLENTY of fantastic women’s events and gatherings  out there, plenty of awesome retreats for you and the women of your church community.  They are wonderful  I love them all in all their incredible diversity. I love them because women are quite frankly awesome  and there is something about a sisterhood that can enrich your life,whatever your story. Those times when you retreat as a community and deepen your relationships with God and one another, where you rest in the sisterhood God’s given you are vital for our faith.  Please keep doing those, participating in those, sharing your heart in those.  They can be life changing. We just want to be clear as you consider whether 3dmSTAND is a good fit for you.  It isn’t a retreat, but we’re not trying to replace the retreat experience.

It is an equipping weekend :

What 3dm have always been about is equipping Christian as they put discipleship and mission back at the center of all they do. 3dmSTAND is an equipping weekend, designed to encourage us and empower us in practical ways for missional living in the everyday. So yes there’s worship and word, but there’s training and tools too. This year’s stand in Minneapolis is focused on the how of discipleship, responding to our call to make disciples (Matthew 28).  The training  will use the same  tools and vehicles that share with leaders and churches across the 3dm movement.  Why those tools and vehicles?  Well, because most of the women who’ve joined us at STAND are part of these churches. They come to invest in their calling and develop skills so they can practically  engage with the exciting things  happening in their church and community. However, for some women STAND is their first exposure to 3dm. And if that’s you, you’re  welcome too. Because who doesn’t want to make new friends?

Its for women.

Sounds obvious I know, but 3dmSTAND is for women, and its for women. Every woman. If you’re a single woman in her 20’s 3dmSTAND is for you. If you’re a grandma loving on her grandbabies, 3dmSTAND is for you. 3dmSTAND is for the stay at home mom and the CEO, for the pastor preacher and for the barrista . 3dmSTAND is for every single one of you! We know that we have distinct lives and our contexts differ greatly. We’re aware that we come from a range of experiences and theological perspectives, again perhaps a reflection of the churches who have engaged with 3dm over the years. What we share is a call to play our part in the great commission and make disciples.That will be the  focus  of our time together.

Its shorter than before:

Our first few 3dmSTAND gatherings were a full weekend,  Friday night – Sunday afternoon.  But lots of women had to leave on a Saturday night simply because on Sunday they’re either active in their churches, or need to get home in good time to get set up for the week ahead. So in response to that need 3dmSTAND is shorter, starting at Friday at 6pm, and finishing on Saturday night . It’s also meant that we’ve been able to reduce the price and we hope this serves those of you who want to join us.

So that’s where we’re up to for now! We’re learning as we go,… slowly STANDing to our feet, like a toddler taking its first wobbly yet determined steps!  We’ll learn a lot along the way and we’ll grow and discover all God has in store. But I’m excited. I’m excited because we have a wonderful opportunity to get together, grow and develop skills. If you’re interested in the Minneapolis event, come and stand with us awhile, and get equipped for where he’s sending you. In the meantime look out for Sally’s blog posts in the next few weeks.

You’ll find the specific details about 3dmSTAND in Minneapolis here on the 3dm site. Just go to the Events tab and you’ll find it listed under Upcoming Workshops.

Sometimes as you’re about to move forward its important to look back.  You note the lessons learned, mistakes made, that sort of thing. But its also an opportunity to remind yourself of the Grace of God that runs like a golden seam through the landscape of your life.  You rediscover that He’s always been there through it all, moving in ways that seemed insignificant. Until now.

As I said in the last post, turning 40 got me reflecting on my leadership journey over the years. So this series  On Calling, charts the different stages of the journey. Today’s post looks at the earliest of days…

When I was a little girl, I didn’t want to be a princess when I grew up. I wanted to be Wonder woman because girlfriend got it done. One of the happiest days of my childhood was when my Aunty May came home from the jumble sale (US: think garage sale/thrift store) with a little pair of red leather boots. For me! I wore them with pride. No offence, but the princesses on the big screen or in the toy store back then didn’t look like me at all and they didn’t want what I wanted (In time I also realized that some of us preferred our princes FRESH, not charming).

I loved the grandeur of the princess stories; I wanted to be part of a big adventure, the big rescue. It’s just that I wanted to do the rescuing. To help, to serve, to lead, to fight – get stuck in.

I think there’s something about unfiltered dreams. The ones we have before we were told what we’re supposed to expect. Before we’re told who we’re supposed to be.

I was 9 when I met The Rescuer and our big adventure began.

It’s funny how long it has taken me to feel like a leader, to believe that it was a call and commission, rather than a divine concession or some bizarre accident of circumstance.  It wasn’t theological debates that started that. Self-worth didn’t come easily to me; The Rescuer intervened on many occasions to speak to my heart louder than my experiences. I didn’t even believe I was lovable, so I was never going to believe that I was a leader.

Looking back it seems like I was the last to know that I was a leader. They knew at school, because I was often asked to captain sports teams, or take a leadership role in class, sing a solo. Though I didn’t quite understand why I kept on being invited to these roles (were these teachers trying to cement my social outcast status?) inwardly I relished those opportunities, thrived in them, and grew into doing a half decent job. And I had these teachers, usually English teachers who would push me a little harder, speak more candidly about life and work, and paint a picture of the future that I hadn’t occurred could ever apply to me. They knew at church too. My youth leaders drew me out and pushed me further.  They took me seriously; they took my faith seriously and got me involved. They served me and stretched me to grow to learn, to sing… eventually even to speak.

About the preaching thing. It was one of those things I’d agreed to during one of those worship times at one of those passionate Christian youth events where you lay down your life and promise to do anything and go anywhere. For Him. Again. And He wanted me to speak. I know for sure that I didn’t!  I was someone who felt she walked in the shadows of the playground. Not shy, but incredibly insecure. The frightening thing about speaking was that I would have to stand still and speak, be seen and heard.  It felt different from singing and even when I sang publicly my voice trembled uncontrollably for the opening 20 seconds until confidence finally decided to get up and join me. It was different from when I did theater at school, because lost in Lorca or Shakespeare and Seamus Heaney or some teenage creation I wasn’t me. Speaking was different. But as soon as I told my youth leaders, they got me involved. Bit by bit. Talking theology. Sharing my testimony, reading prayers, liturgy, Bible readings. Sharing a thought with a group of seniors in the church. For months I got ill every time I was due to speak or read the Bible or pray at the front of anyone. I was sick with nerves and I felt awful. It was awful. But today, I’m grateful for the opportunities they gave me, and the way they invested in me.

Still as far as I was concerned, none of these things made me a leader. It was just stuff I did. My self-esteem was too low, my sense of purpose too distant and identity too fragile to understand something as powerful as potential. Decades later as a woman and a mother and a church leader I hear those early voices differently. I hear the encouragement, the occasional warning and tough love. I understand the flash of concern in a teacher’s eyes. I see what they were doing now with the extra work, the extra opportunities. It was building something in me. It was all leading somewhere.

These were the years of daydreams and daring, promise and potential. These were the times of wrestling through dark days and self-doubt. Worship and word were my thin places  and His words were life giving. Sometimes He spoke like the roar of a mighty rushing wind and at other times like a whisper’s whisper. Through the tumult of my teens he was there. He wanted my life and my future and my heart. He was calling, calling me to Him.

What were your unfiltered dreams, the ones that you had before you were told what you should expect, who you were supposed to be?

I spent two years in Bible college, filled with good times and hard times. Lots of learning, growing in confidence, leading missions, grasping at calling. It seemed God was calling me to something and I had just enough courage, craziness and curiosity to respond. Midway through, I made a university changing decision that would turn out to be a change the trajectory of your entire life decision. I had no idea how that one decision would reveal and change so much. It cost everything. The world I’d known, the plans I’d made. Everything.  My path changed and I landed in Sheffield, ready to pursue my calling.

One Sunday night I walked into a church called St. Thomas’ and I knew I’d stay. It was the warmth, the worship and word. And for this 20 year old it was also the amount of guys my age there!

I felt both awesome and scared when I arrived in Sheffield.  Ego and insecurity were two sides of the same coin. Publicly I felt awesome because I‘d been to BIBLE COLLEGE. I could sing, I could preach and I could lead (Or at least I thought I could).  I ‘served’ in a couple of places, but obviously this church was lucky to have me. I would make an awesome contribution. Still, I was scared because everyone was a stranger in this city. I was alone and salty tears are not great company. I knew I just needed time to build friendships, but my heart felt that time was wasting time. 

God began work on both sides of the coin. He asked me not to sing publicly, not get involved in a worship team for a year. It seemed an odd request, but it felt noble so I went with it. And for a week, I did great. Then, on the 8^th day…

I compared myself to the singers in the worship band. Compared our vocal styles, assessed what the singers wore and how they worshipped. I told myself and Jesus how great I would be in their place. It wasn’t the first time I’d subjected Jesus to this particular monologue. I couldn’t celebrate anyone else’s gifts; I needed people to validate mine. It was so unhealthy. When repentance finally began, I wondered if fifty two weeks would be long enough.

Sunday nights were powerful, saturated in God’s presence. I sat in the balcony where the cool kids (read: men) were.  But by the end of the night I was on my knees at the front, sobbing, snotting, aching, mascara streaking my cheeks. Weekly. I moved downstairs to the second row and stopped wearing mascara to make it easier. For sixteen consecutive Sundays I wept. For loneliness, for loss, for the life I’d left behind. For the cost. In front of a few hundred people, I mourned as though God was the only one there. This was not the introduction to the pastors and church staff I hoped for! I hoped they’d be dazzled by my gifts, by recommendations from my Bible college professors. Instead they met a loud weepy mess with a runny nose and reckless mascara on her face.

I spent a lot of time alone that first year in Sheffield. It was an unexpected opportunity to dig deeper with God in prayer, worship and study. I studied Bible heroes like Moses, Joseph, Deborah, Daniel, Esther, Paul.  I saw character shaping struggles, life defining tests and trials, suffering and risk yet such faithfulness. Most of all, I saw God’s faithfulness. It utterly humbled my understanding of calling, exposed the flimsy confidence I’d placed in my Bible college experience.  And that so called awesome contribution I would make? Truth was, I didn’t need to be noticed; I certainly didn’t need a platform.  I needed to be hidden. Hidden not in some anticipation of a great reveal one day, but so I could learn that character is more important than gifting.  I needed to hear Him tell me who I was , whose I was, away from distractions. It may have appeared that God had closed the doors to leadership. He was actually opening the doors of my heart, reaching into the fault lines of brokenness, rescuing and redeeming my life at its very core. Leader or otherwise, above all else I needed Jesus. Leader or otherwise, above all else, I still do.

Are you in a ‘hidden’ season? 

How have you learned to embrace it?

 Catalyst Next  gathers leaders to explore some of the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead for the church. I was asked to share in the section on Engaging Culture.

In 3dm we describe the seismic shifts in culture as a cultural earthquake. So many things have happened in our world  in recent years, months, weeks – days that have changed the landscape of our communities, forever.

Today as these leaders got into groups to share the seismic shifts they observed and experienced – we began to look at the church’s response.  When the landscape changes, our old maps don’t work. Some of the assumptions we had about  “getting people into church” aren’t realistic anymore. Its not that the good news of Jesus is less relevant, nor does it need adapting to fit cultural trends. Its more that where we used to expect people to come to us, and what we put on for them – we find ourselves needing to respond to the ancient call to go. To the lost, the last, the least and the lonely.

So we reflected on our posture.

In the midst of a cultural earthquake, do we see ourselves as the victims of a changing culture? Perhaps we’re anxious and fearful of a world that doesn’t make much sense anymore. Its a threat to all that made us feel safe and comfortable. Its too much. Naturally we want to pull away, avoid getting hurt or wounded, even contaminated.

Or do we see ourselves as members of the rescue team, following in the footsteps of the great Rescuer Jesus? The rescue team  are equipped, empowered and ready to walk towards a changing world, ready to get in and under the rubble of a broken society. They know its a long work, its a hard and painful work. They know its a battle; they’ll experience great joy and disappointments. But compassion (inspired by the Rescuer himself) compels them. They can’t stop now. They won’t stop until the work is done.

We human beings don’t rise beyond what we believe about ourselves. So what do we believe?

What’s our posture?